surfacing

...and the day the change came
the day the tide turned
the day he slipped away
no one
ever
knew

and no one was there
to dry his tears
and to pick up the jagged pieces
of a broken heart

and it was still ok.

can you really say you're walking away from something with no regrets when you feel you could weep for all you lost and even what you gained from it? i don't know. i doubt it. i think i'm going to regret the last 9 months a lot. perhaps i won't.

i am done. it's over. the experiment has gone on long enough, and i'm sick and tired of trying. i can't make my life what i want it to be.

i always hesitate to get religous on here, and on facebook. i have too many people who would just roll their eyes. but i know when it all comes back full force, i'm going to be overwhelmed. ridiculous, i know, but it's me. it's who i am.

i am going to have a hard time getting over the boy. we were never really dating, we only met for 4 days, and things went downhill VERY quickly after that. i feel a lot of guilt over how i treated every guy i was ever with, because it's basically how he treated me after i left. was i clingy? was i too much about the relationship? i'm pretty sure i was. was i a good friend, a good lover? hell yes. did i care about him? more than anyone else in the world, and i still care about him, and i always will. but it's over. i can't keep putting myself out there emotionally and get nada in return.

cutting ties is the next thing, and that might hurt too. k, j, jw, c, e... all gotta go. this blog will probably follow soon.

i have to sleep. i am getting up early to go say goodbye to another part of my life that sucked for the last 4 months, and then get a new car.

...and the day finally came
when the risk to remain
tight in a bud
was more painful
than the risk it took
to blossom.
(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuTIgcmxIlpGabO8XkyWEILlYIVYzHNYcjk2MP_ktQSKsv-DUF2PxrobzaBwj-SRuxBI4xRGbioG5vfn0BJS7iY-DtAkYvTIXWgpl4JtgUX2BSrXoX0LosCUWOsiPX3N_r1Y2wccMOeDn9/s1600-h/0621092011a.jpg)