for my first true love

i'm in love.

with a boy.

one that i've never met.

one that loves me BACK.

i've never actually been in love. i've never even been in like. so being in love for the first time with someone hundreds of miles away is incredibly painful. i think since my heart belongs to him now, it's being stretched over all those miles, while still being attached to my chest. that's why i walk around all day with this ache in my ribcage, waiting to hear from him again. his letters and sweet words he says to and about me cripple me--my knees go weak, my heart skips a beat, i feel dizzy. never has someone had such power over me, and with only their words, no less.

i've waited so long for this... for someone to be my sun, my moon, my air, my water. i feel so lucky to be in love with someone i can't touch--i feel like i'm in love with the real person, with his soul.

now, i can't touch him... but i've seen him. and i can't believe how lucky i am to have found a man with a huge heart, great personality, and the looks of an angel. that smile... those eyes... he's a big guy, one of my favorite body types (great for strong arms and great hugs!), and has the most perfect facial structure--strong features, yet defined and clear-cut. be jealous, men and women of the world.

i really honestly thought i was alone in the world. my lover man has shattered that idea. i can't believe how much we have in common, how he's practically the same person. it's hard to describe him as my other half... i feel like we're two of the same half.

muri, my little hispanic buddy in undergrad, talked about the idea of a "naranjita," or "little orange." basically, the idea is that God makes everyone and then splits them in half and puts them in seperate bodies. each "half" of the whole "orange" (or person) is incomplete until they find their other half, their "naranjita." well, i don't know if i agree with that,

but

i do think i found something or someone i was missing for forever.

my "naranjito," i don't think i need to tell you how crazy i am about you. it's incredible that you return my love, that you ache for me too, that you get excited about my letters and phone calls, that you do special things for me because you want to make me smile (you "shower" me with surprises, lol). i go through my day and want to tell everyone about you, bring you up in conversation and say, "well, you know what my lover said to me yesterday..." or "you'll never guess what my baby did for me this time..." it kills me a little to keep you my not-so-dirty secret,

but

it makes me so alive to LOVE you.

my heart is yours, mi amor. i hope it's enough in return for your love, your beautiful heart, your words of affection.

until the day our fingers intertwine,

the day i wrap my arms around you and you hold me with your strength,

the day i lay my head on your chest and hear your magnificent heartbeat,

the day i taste your lips, experience your kiss, invade your mouth,

the day we drink wine and find Orion's belt together,

the day we lay in bed together until after lunch,

the day we laugh in the shower together while our clothes get drenched,

the day we sing at the top of our lungs while driving anywhere we want to go,

i'm all yours, heart, soul, body, mind.

you're my world, baby. i love you, my sweet, sweet teddy bear.